That would be my beer sitting on top of Casey's OAA reading test scores. Ironic that I haven't even written about how well she's doing in school this year. Third grade is the first year our district gives letter grades and girlfriend has straight A's so far. Nice work, babe!! She still has a lot (I mean a lot) to learn in the personal responsibility department, but seems to be keeping her head pretty far above water in spite of it. Daddy has dangled a pretty big carrot in front of her if she maintains straight A's the entire school year, so stay tuned to how that goes. (*chuckle*) No, really. I swear I'm going to be better at writing memories. I am determined to get over the writer's block that has consumed me this fall.
Emily's dance team requested parents write about how dance has meant to the dancers. And I was like, of course. Who can do reflective and sentimental introspection better than me? Okay, a lot of people. But who can do it better about my kids? And I like writing that way. And I like to think that Casey and Emily will enjoy reading 'Deep Thoughts from Mom' one day. And I find writing actually therapeutic (or cathartic - am I using that word in the right context? I have a hilariously terrible habit of mis-using words). The fact that I haven't written much at all the last few months has been a bit of a burden. I have even not allowed myself to read any book (something I truly love to do) because I know I should be writing. Anyhow, about sometime in October it occurred to me that maybe what I am writing in my blog might be read and judged by people who know my kids through school - like parents of their peers. When Emily was invited to her very first play date (you know, the legit kind where I wasn't invited along to?), I cried the proverbial tears of joy. Yes, Emily was invited to play at a typical friend's house and I did not write about that. If I look back at my blog, that does not follow my style. My style is to celebrate these kind of things and to reflect on how meaningful such an ordinary event is to us, me. But as soon as I started to put pen to paper (that sounds so much cooler than fingertips to keyboard), I put the brakes on. And I started to think, maybe I am seeing her too much for her special needs. And drawing too much attention to her special needs by writing about her and life and struggles and victories. So I stopped writing. Because I don't want to hinder what people think about my girls. Even the fact that Casey got straight A's made me think if I wrote about it, someone might construe (did I use that word right?) it as shameless bragging. So I continued my boycott of writing. And I've hated it.
I feel a bit sad that I never wrote about celebrating my parent's 40th wedding anniversary.
I feel wistful about not writing about how beautiful fall was and how we played outside in the leaves, or how we've had 2 snowfalls already and have had snowball fights and went sledding.
And I feel almost negligent about not writing about Emily fell down the stairs and fractured her wrist. Just after Tom had surgery on his elbow. And how Casey rallied the neighbors to write messages to Emily in the cul de sac so she would see them when we got home from the hospital.
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| Hear that? That is the sound of Tom finding out I put this picture on the internet. If you can't tell by that sound, Tom is pissed. :) |
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| Pink with purple stripes. And glitter. |
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| This was a lot of fun. Not. |
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| Best big sister ever, right? (Tom said Casey actually cried when he told her Emily broke her wrist because she didn't want Emily to be in pain.) |
And I regret having not captured the fun of the Christmas season so far. From putting up and decorating the trees to making cookies and goodies to the arrival of our magical elf to helping out with festivities at our church.
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| This might be the all time funniest picture. I'm playing in the snow with Casey (mostly taking pictures) and I turn around and see Emily lying like a blob on the front porch. What a goof. |
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| She's completely comfortable. Go about your business. |
As I wrote the requested letter about what dance has meant to Emily, I realized what writing has mean to me. And, hopefully, what it will one day mean to my girls. I will try to not let what people may or may not think about this blog decide the direction of it. And I will not try to hide the fact that Emily has special needs and we deal with a lot of special needs stuff. And I certainly will not be ashamed of either of my daughter's accomplishments. So here's to getting back on the horse of writing and documenting memories for my family! Although I just realized I've just made a toast and my beer is empty. I'm going to go get another one now and I think I will enjoy it a bit more now that I think I've shaken my writer's block.
