Emily's Birthday

Emily's birthday was Tuesday.  Wednesday morning she woke up and said, 'It's my birthday!'  I had to break the news to her that her birthday was yesterday and it was over now.  Sister clearly thought birthdays were something that could not possible be limited to one day only because she looked at me and said, 'We do it again.' 

I guess I can understand how this all might be confusing to her.  Friday she and I hung the princess decorations and balloons, Saturday all of our families came for the party, Sunday we played with all the new toys and ate leftover cake, Monday she helped make cupcakes for the next day and Tuesday was the day.  So I guess, to her, after 5 days why should the hoopla suddenly stop?!

Yesterday she woke up to balloons covering her bedroom floor then it was off to school, OT and dance class. Casey came home from school with about 10 different cards and pictures she and her friends made Emily in class. Emily's reaction was, 'Oh my goodness!' :) We brought cupcakes for all the dancers and helpers to celebrate after they sang Happy Birthday to her. And after dance class it all fell apart into one gigantic sugar crashed, over-stimulated, lack of naps screaming fit. For 3 hours. Let's just say, for as much as we love Emily and tried to bask in the specialness of her birthday, we were all ready for Emily to go to bed. And Emily was ready for some sleep, too :)

A little recap of Saturday's party.

My mom knocked it out of the park (again) with Emily's cake.

She got Sophia and DocMcStuffins toys, a tea set, a plasma car and her first big girl bike. (We'll have to put in some time at PT to get going on the bike better, but she's excited to ride around the cul-de-sac with Casey! She did great on her first time out, though!)

 

 

 It wouldn't be a birthday party here without our families helping to celebrate.

I always make sure to get a picture of the 4 of us for each at the girls' parties.

 Some fun candids:

 

 

 

Maybe my favorite picture of the day :)  (Ha! Love ya' Casey!)

 



 

Emily's Gift To Me

Emily's birthday is tomorrow and the day always brings on a flood of emotions for me.  Many of the sentimental thoughts I feel are the same as many other mothers' on their child's birthday.  Ebbing and flowing between the sweet memories of being a part of their first birthday in such a divine and special way, to pride at all they have accomplished in their years since, to the wistfulness of realizing that their birthdays are just another way to mark they are growing older and becoming closer to needing you less. 

Then there are the other thoughts and feelings I have as the mother of Emily:  Remembering the day doctors told us she was different and that none of our lives would ever be like we imagined it would be.  And the feeling that God is blessing her and us with success and health we never dreamed of after she was diagnosed.  And, mostly, the joy she has brought to our lives. 

A birthday hasn't gone by that at some point this thought has not entered my head: 'Emily is the child we never knew we wanted but God knew we needed.' 

Each year on her birthday, I drag out the soapbox and try to share via social networking how awful and hurtful the word retarded is, or how others can be compassionate to people with special needs without worrying they will say something to offend anyone, or to promote the special abilities my daughter has despite her disabilities.  This year, I don't have such words for anyone.  I'm just feeling happy.  Emily has accomplished so much this past year -  awareness and comprehension and speech and learning.  It's all good. 

And if you don't know by now, in the year 2013, to not use the word retarded, then you just might be destined to live stunted in a society that is becoming more accepting of people with special needs and less tolerant of such a word.  And if you follow my posts on Facebook or this blog, then you know how special my daughter is and how much I love both of my girls.  So I might devote a bit of this year's birthday essay to writing about myself.

As Emily grows, so do I.  I know I would not be the person I am today without either of my girls.  Having kids makes me want to be a better person; an example for my girls.  And while I'm certain they will each have a list of  'Crap My Mom Did That I Am Sooo Not Going To Do When I Grow Up,'  I know what I am doing will help shape them into the ladies they will become one day.  So who knows who I would be without either of them.  But I am especially aware of some of the things I am because of being Emily's mom.

I have always been one of the most insecure people I know.  This doesn't necessarily mean I am weak because of it, but it is something I've had to overcome.  Sports and a some special friendships helped get me through high school, but the fear of failure was always with me.  College was almost crippling for me.  I was surrounded by girls that were beautiful, smart, and it seemed without any of the social awkwardness I constantly felt.  It took me a long time to accept that the true friendships I had made in college were real and I was deserving of them.  And while college was truly one of the best and most amazing times of my life, it was also one of the hardest to endure. 

Upon graduating from college, I recognized the only way for me to move forward into the person I wanted to be was to move away from most everything and everyone I knew from those 4 years.  Before we all determine that this post is a pity party for some crazy 30-something mom, hear me out.  It's all relevant, I promise.  It always ate me up that I cared so much about what people think or was constantly worried about trying and failing at something or looking stupid.  As much as I tried, I could not overcome these things with the ease I wished for.  Getting married, becoming a mom, and just growing older all has helped me become more confident and secure.  And going to Wal-Mart, because I always feel like I'm owning it when I'm there ;)  But Tom, Casey, Emily and father time have helped me evolve from the person I was in my 20's into the person I've become in my 30's.  But being Emily's mom has helped me overcome the insecurity in myself that has plagued me since I was young. 

Because when your daughter is born and doctors tell you she will be "mildly to moderately mentally retarded" (those were the actual words from a geneticist), your perception of what failure is, and caring about what others think gets an about face turn.  This, my friends, is a reality check dished out with a slap to the face and a knife to the heart.  When this tiny girl gets handed such an unfair deal at birth, and you realize she will have to live every day of it because God chose her and you to care for her, let's just say caring about yourself and your own insecurities takes a back seat.  Shit gets real.  

This self awareness doesn't happen overnight.  It's been very gradual over the past 5 years.  Because babies are babies.  Until she has to wear a helmet to help reshape her head and everyone in public looks at her and you.  And you have to hold your head up, add sparkles to that little helmet and pretend that's it's all good.  (I actually told a waitress at Frisch's who was being rude once that Emily needed to wear a helmet because I drop her on her head a lot.  In the absense of confidence, I've always found sarcasm to be effective :)

Your problems become trivial when you realize your baby has to undergo an 8 hour surgery to fuse her spine to make her safe.  And then you get more looks in public when she has to wear a brace for 4 months after surgery.  Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't really apply when your daughter comes out of major surgery smiling.

And worrying about failing?  Please.  How could I ever worry about failing again at something when I know my daughter will not be able to accomplish so much of what comes easily to me?  

These are just examples of things that Emily has obviously had to overcome, but me as well.  It does not come naturally to me to disregard what others are thinking when Emily is acting different or speaks differently.  I'd be lying if I said that what people think doesn't ever get to me now, but it has become easier.  I can't explain how, though.  Maybe it's any mama bear's unconditional love or just part of the gift package that came with Emily when God gave her us.  I like that. - Thinking of each of my girls as not only a gift to us from God, but a package deal that comes with bonus gifts for us to enjoy.  You know, like getting the gift set instead of just one item.  Or like getting the value meal.  If only I would have known 5 years ago when Emily was born that her package included things for me like a dose of self security, new found confidence, inner peace and even a power that comes with the responsibility of taking care of someone special...

 It only makes me wonder what else this girl's gift set has in store for me.  I could be one real bad ass woman by the time she grows up :)  We are looking forward to celebrating the big 5 tomorrow!

Picture Spring

I only have 2 classes left of the photography course I am taking.  My friend, Shannon, (who also is the person who encouraged me to start this blog) told me about this class and I am so glad I took it.  For as much as I read the camera's manual, I was not comprehending the techniques and features that were possible.  So if I have taken anything away from this course, it's the increased knowledge about what the settings on my camera can do, how to use the features to create techniques in photographs and an increased interest in photography.  Basically, I got exactly what I wanted from this class. 

Saturday, the class met at the Krohn Conservatory here in Cincinnati to photograph flowers.  3 hours of taking pictures of flowers.  yawn.  That's what I was thinking even as I left that day.  Don't get me wrong.  I learned sooo much about my camera that day, and even though we could shoot whatever we wanted at Krohn, foliage is not my favorite subject to photograph - my kids are.  So I was thinking all yawn and stuff until I downloaded the 450 (yes, 450) pictures I took onto my computer.  I'll do no more talking typing.  I'm just bragging sharing some of the pictures my bad self , no... yes, I mean my bad self took Saturday afternoon.  It's all gloomy, windy and rainy here today and these pictures make me look forward to the Springtime that is coming.  Soon, hopefully.

 

 

 

 

 

Snow Day

It's been 2 years since our school has had a snow day.  We still had to endure the cold, frigid weather of the past few winters.  Just not the snow.  Which, technically, I'm okay with because I hate driving on icy roads.  It seems only fair, though, that if we have to put up with all the elements of winter, we deserve a snow day now and then.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to be snowed in with my (sweet, adorable and wonderful) kids for a long period of time or anything.  But a day of not having to get Casey out the door by 8:10 then Emily off to school at 9:00 with backpacks and lunch packed, shoes tied, and hair brushed is a treat.  It's what a snow day is supposed to be all about.  So when school was called off Wednesday because of a late winter snowfall, it was a long time coming.

There's not a lot to write about because the day was pretty uneventful here.  It started with me sitting down in the toy room to play with the girls, but I got the cleaning bug pretty quickly and soon the girls got it, too.  We purged and organized so many toys that don't get played with anymore and I still can't believe how much the girls got into it.  Dare I say it was kind of fun even? 

After lunch we were ready to play in the snow!  Casey is old enough to get her self all geared up and was out the door in a flash.  Emily still needs help getting most things on, but, dear Lord, gloves are the worst.  Next Fall I'm going to schedule like 5 occupational therapy appointments dedicated to just putting on gloves if she doesn't have it by then.  I was getting my coat and gloves on when I looked outside and saw Emily standing in the snow crying with a face full of snow.  It turns out Casey threw a snowball and it landed right smack in the middle of Emily's face.  Maybe my first reaction should have been to get upset at Casey for poor judgement (or aim), but, instead, I just laughed.  We all (including Casey) are very protective of Emily.  It has been second nature for the three of us to make sure she is safe on stairs and any where she can fall or get hurt.  But sometimes it's nice to see Casey just forget that and treat her like another sibling and make her take a snowball in the face.  I also think it's good for Emily so that she can learn to stand up for herself when she gets it dished to her, so I didn't stop her later when I saw her coming up behind Casey with a shovel of snow to dump on her head.  It's good for Casey, too.  Basically, rubbing snow in each other's faces is good for everyone.  Except me.  I don't like it and I get to put someone in timeout if they do. 

This snowfall was the good snow.  Fluffy, sticking to tree limbs to make everything outside look like a winter wonderland (in March).  And it's the good-for-packing snow!  We decided to make snow forts and have a little snowball fight.  My fort was way better than Casey's.  And, yes, I just bragged about my fort being better than an 8 year old's. :)  Emily was a little clueless to the competition going on but Casey and I wore ourselves out throwing snowballs at each other.

The next day after school there was enough snow on the ground yet for them to play in it again. I decided to watch from inside this time because they were in the front yard and I could watch them safely. I think it's important for the girls to be able to play outside sometimes without me hovering over Emily. There was no more snow being shoved up any one's nose. It was just two sisters playing outside in the snow after school. And it was a view I soaked up from inside. Camera in hand, of course.