Summer Leftovers

This weekend is the unofficial end of summer.  I'm still not sure what mother nature has been smoking this year, but staying true to her 2013 form, we're on week number two of 90+ degree weather after a summer of mostly 70's and low 80's.  In years past we've celebrated Labor Day weekend by partying with friends in Mount Adams, taking in the Riverfest fireworks downtown, or in more recent years, heading up north to the Glandorf Parkfest with friends and family there.  This year we are keeping it low key.  We were almost ready to pull the trigger on a return visit to Parkfest and the turtle races, but our girls are exhausted.  It's been a very long week for us all with nightly whining and complaining, and even crying episodes.  And I'm just talking about Tom.  Just kidding :) 

Tom and I at Kenny Chesney concert

As I was going through some photos recently, I discovered some fun summer memories that I forgot to include in the blog:

Since I've started staying home with the girls full time, the girls and I have managed to stay at my parents' house for 5-6 days several times each summer.  The combination of mom having to work extra hours at the bakery and us participating on swim team didn't allow for as many visits.  I like hanging out at 'home' with my family, seeing friends, but, most importantly, I love the time the girls get to spend with their cousins.  The times that we were there to visit this summer were good ones, for sure.

A Casey original.

This summer we were able to check another goal off our list.  For Casey.  Last summer she tried and tried to dive at the pool.  She was so frustrated!  She'd get on the diving board, bend her knees, put her hands above her head, push off the board and basically enter the water in a cramped up belly flop.  Not much changed over the winter and that form was consistent almost all through the swim team season.  And just before the last meet, something clicked and she got it.  She could dive.  She loves her new skill and I hope next summer it's just like riding a bike all over again.  Nice work,

Casey!

 

Back in June Casey and I ran  walked in the Color Palooza 5K with friends.  I was hopeful we'd run more of it than we did, which was about the first 100 meters, but it was a fun time anyway.  Secretly I was hoping that running in this colorful 5K would be a fun way to get Casey interested in exercise, and more hopefully, sports.  A sports-loving mom can dream can't she...  We broke away from the group early on (more like they broke away from us :) and we walked it together, taking every opportunity to throw colored corn starch at each other, assuring that we were covered in color and had a super fun mom-and-Casey experience.  Mission accomplished.  We will for sure be doing this event again next summer!

 

We've met some 'normal' neighborhood moms at the pool this summer that have started to become friends.  (That is a total jest on last year's run-in with that mom at the pool.  Remember her?  If you weren't reading the blog last year, don't ask me about it, I won't tell you who she is.  Just be assured you are not her, and I'm sure you'd never talk about Emily like she did.)  Yay new friends!

So I think I've gotten the highlights of our summer covered now.  It was a great one!!!  A good mix of planned fun vacations and outings, swimming, dress-up, Barbies, biking, and just old fashioned playing in the yard.  Exactly the type of summer I wanted for my 5 and 8 year old daughters.  Bon Voyage to everything summer!  Except the weather...  

First Day(s) of Kindergarten

I just re-read the last post and I am almost embarrassed to have shared that with the world (which is probably more likely 26 people), but it kind of made me sound like I need to see a therapist.  Sheesh.  Well, now it's back to the regular scheduled programming:  Reality.  ;)

Emily went to kindergarten today (which by the time I post this will actually be 'yesterday' or 'a couple of days ago', but anyways...)  and she had a great day!  I knew she would.  I didn't have a doubt.  Okay, maybe a tiny doubt, but only because I'm convinced my girls need me always in some way.  Imagine what the blog post is going be like when they go to college!  Yep, I'm pretty sure I'm steam rolling to a therapists office one day...  I digress.  Of course Emily had a great day.  The reality is kindergarten is only and extra 3 hours a week and exactly one hallway over from when she was in pre-school.  So it's not like I was sending her into the great unknown here.  It just felt like it :)

We took our obligatory first day photos on the front porch.

Emily got out of bed right before Casey went to school, so we snapped a quick pic of Em's first day with her pj's on

 

We decided to put Emily on a special needs bus to at least start out the school year.  The bus has an aide on it and is able to help her with the bus steps.  And I think it will be a great way for her to learn the rules of the bus without the distraction of dozens of other kids.  Tom was really advocating her ride a typical bus, but she needs help with the steps and I'm not convinced she wouldn't get bored and chuck her backpack out the window.  :)  Her bussing assignment got screwed up so I had to take her to and from school on day 1.  I loved walking her to her class and seeing her get settled in, but tearing up in front of the teacher was a bit odd basically because I wouldn't just leave.  I did leave.  Eventually.  Without her, for the record.  And then I sat in the car and cried the ugly cry.

I met some friends who had also sent their youngest ones to kindergarten for a boo-hoo breakfast.  At pickup, her aide told me she did great!!  She followed along in class, handed out papers for the teacher, used the potty by herself, and played on the playground with a friend.  As far as first days of kindergartens go, I think she rocked it.

 

Day 2 was the first day of riding the bus.  I found out she thought I was going to ride on it with her, so we had a chat before it was go time.  When the bus arrived and the doors opened, the driver and aide were smiling at us.  With male faces.  One with a camo cap for good measure.  I think I froze right there in our driveway.  I just was not expecting them to be men.  I immediately got on the bus with Emily and began to pretty much converse with, interview, interrogate  them.  How long have they been doing this job?  Will there be any stops between our house and school?  How many children will be on the bus?  And then I threw in that I thought Emily should do well on the bus and I looked forward to hearing all she would tell be about it because she's able to articulate quite a bit to me.  I'm so bad.  That last one is a bit of an exaggeration and was meant to be a lightly veiled threat.  Yes, I have trust issues but I watch the news...  The 2 guys were really nice and introduced Emily to the other girl on the bus as I got off and began to shake.  As the bus pulled away I basically had my private melt down, grabbed the keys and followed the bus to school. 

I'm not sure Emily knew what to think about the whole bus thing

Her teacher called me at about the time I was expecting the afternoon bus to pull up, to let me know that transportation didn't send Emily a bus home.  When I got there to pick her up, both her classroom teacher and special ed teacher were there in the hall and began to tell me how well Emily is doing in class the first 2 days.  Then we all watched in slow motion as Emily took a step, tripped on her backpack and literally did a face plant onto the stone hallway floor.  No hands to out to catch herself, no knees first, not even her forehead to break her fall.  Her mouth made contact first.  Blood and screaming everywhere.  The nurse's office was only a few steps away so we hightailed it there to find out, amazingly, all of her teeth were still in.  The inside of her lip and her gums were cut and bleeding, but we managed to get that under control.  She was still in obvious pain so I called the dentist to let them know we were on our way.  She was a big girl as he checked her out and told us he did not think the teeth were loose and had not impacted up into her gums.  I still have no idea how she has her front teeth and does not have stitches in her lip.

Before the second day of kindergarten

It appears day 3 went much more smoothly than day 2.  She rode the morning bus, but my gut tells me tomorrow will be the last time she will.  I just don't think I can stomach it.  They may be really nice men, but the thought of sending my daughter on a bus with a couple other cognitively delayed kids and 2 dudes just doesn't set well with me.  Unless Tom can talk me off the cliff I'm on about this, I'll think I'll drive her to school every day.  She did ride the bus home today and, so not to be discriminatory, I again boarded the bus and talked to the 2 ladies about their experience and the bus route.  Emily did not seem as impressed with the bus as I thought she might, but I felt better about the afternoon bus.  I do not pretend to have any rationale or evidence for my feelings about the 2 different bus experiences, but when I'm dealing with my daughter who cannot always speak for herself or tell me what's going on, I just have to go with my gut.  (Actually, I listen to my gut when it comes to both girls. :) 

 

So little sister is in kindergarten.  I've accepted that reality and moved on from my emotional tirade I was on before it started.  I'll hopefully pick up a little work and also begin to purge the mess of a house that has accumulated since May.  I'm sure I'll be finished with that just in time for the end of the school year.  Back to reality indeed.

     

(I'm) Getting Ready for Kindergarten

I will preface this post with the disclaimer that I was a hot mess on Casey's first day of kindergarten.  The night before the big day, I stayed up and wrote my big girl a handwritten letter of memories I had when she was little(r) and all the wonderful things about her personality I loved about her.  And how I thought what an amazing person she will grow up to be.  I keep that letter in the safe and will give it to her one day.  Maybe 4 years ago, before I even thought about a blog, I knew I wanted to share my thoughts with my girls one day in the future...  When Casey got on the bus, I sat in the car and cried, then drove to the school, watched her get off the bus and then I cried some more.  I think it's safe to say, I can do over dramatic and emotional pretty well.

And now Emily, my baby, my special baby, is going to kindergarten on tomorrow.  I know I have to write about her first day of school.  Let's just get my sentimental stuff out of the way already.

When I think of Emily going to kindergarten, I think of 2 things simultaneously:  1) She is sooo excited for school to start!  2) The first weeks of her life.

On Easter Sunday, a few days after Emily was born, we received news that Emily had a rare syndrome and she would be "severely mentally retarded,"  non-verbal, likely confined to a wheelchair, and could have a host of medical and organ complications.  The pieces of our life fell like hot ashes all around us for a full week before her diagnosis changed.  With her new diagnosis, doctors told us she would be "mildly to moderately mentally retarded," and maybe have "an outcome similar to someone with down syndrome." We were elated over this fantastic, new news (I can only imagine there aren't too many people that would have considered this news to be good news like we did), but after the week we had just lived, I instantly began obsessing over 4 questions I had for the doctors:  Would Emily be able to a) Walk,  b) Talk,  c) Learn, and  d)  Play.  I would recite those words like a mantra in my head until I finally had the courage to ask the doctor.  I had to build up the nerve to ask him this because, with every ounce of my soul, I wanted him to say yes.  More than anything in the world, I wanted those things for my daughter.  I think of all the hopes and dreams I had for Casey when she was a baby and I was reduced to wanting just these 4 abilities for Emily.  It's very emotional to remember back on now.  And very humbling.

 Walk, talk, learn and play.  Walk? Talk? Learn? Play?  The doctor said probably.  Probably was a life line I hung onto for a long, long time.  As she grew older, it became evident that probably was going to be certainly.  (I won't rehash her entire 5-1/2 years here - It's the start of kindergarten, not an obituary. :)  However, it was when she took her first steps at the age of 2, with the big brace from neck surgery on, that I knew we had another spunky girl on our hands, and school was definitely in her future. 

I had thought about school early on in her life, but when I say 'thought' I really mean I made myself sick over how she would be treated (or, more likely, mis-treated) in school.  A few teacher friends kept assuring me special kids are typically treated really well, even protected, most of the time, and school now is so different for special kids than what it was like when I went to school.  Friends offering me another lifeline of hope.  I knew one day she would go to school and it would take every once of courage and faith to send her there. 

The time from when Emily was born until the age of 3, I affectionately called the Baby Bubble for us.  Life was safe and I had about as much control over her environment and the people she was around as I could.  A helmet on her head, 2 eye surgeries, spine surgery, kidney infections and hospitalizations were all events I could take head on amazingly enough over those 3 years.  Go figure. 

Her third birthday loomed ahead of me because I knew it would mark the end of the Baby Bubble and Emily would go off to pre-school.  School.  Where I would no longer be with her every moment and I would have to have trust that she would be treated well and taken care of.  Emily started going to pre-school 4 mornings a week at the age of 3 and we haven't looked back.  School has been awesome for Emily.

Actually, I've learned more about Emily being away from me in school than I may have learned had she been with me here at home the whole time.  Emily has truly blossomed in the past 2-1/2 years in pre-school.  Kids have treated her really well, and anyone that knows Emily knows how much she absolutely loves to be around other children. 

I look back at the terrifying moments we lived of her first days and months and I look at the kid heading off to kindergarten tomorrow and I shake my head.  Dear God, I am proud.  And thankful.  She'll never catch up to her peers in academics or cognitive abilities and that, still, is a very tough pill to swallow and one that I will have to deal with forever.  Her future in school still scares me to death but I can't help but look back and only get strength and hope from the past.

We met her teacher and support team this morning and I'd like to believe they are people I would have hand picked for her had I been given the opportunity to interview and assess each one myself  (wouldn't that be nice?!)  :)  At our meeting she had the kindergarten screening and she knew her address and 22 out of 26 letters of the alphabet.  She knows her colors and how to spell and (mostly) write her name.  I realize this will be as close to her peers academically as she will probably ever be at the beginning of a school year.  And I literally can't type that without sobbing.  But it will be okay.  She'll continue to learn at her own pace and she will be wonderful.

Emily is very excited for school and I will calm down and be excited for her.  In a day or two.  That's how I roll.  I usually build up the emotion of a situation first before I can acknowledge reality.  Reality will be in the next post.  Consider this one my Dear Emily letter to parallel the one I wrote to Casey the night before she went off to kindergarten.  This way they each have one sappy, slobbery, emotional letter from their mom they can look back on one day and shake their heads in unison at me, hopefully amazed (and thankful) that I actually let them get on the bus for their first day of kindergarten.  

Disciplining Emily

Being a parent is tough.  (I think my mom just got a smug look on her face.)  Most of the time, I feel like I am averaging a C+ grade.  There are times I feel like I should get a gold star.  Like the surprise sandwich I made for Casey's lunch today.

A+ Mom for the cool sandwich (she loved it)

And other times, I am certain I am flunking.  Like last week when I saw Casey take the hose, which was on the jet setting, and spray herself in the eyeball.  I mean, by 8-1/2 I surely should have taught her that wasn't a good idea...

Loving my girls is the easy part of parenting.  Teaching them right vs. wrong isn't too hard, most of the time.  (You know, it is hard to teach that gray area between being 100% honest and saying something nice that isn't necessarily in your heart.)  But disciplining is certainly a harder part because it's usually trial and error and it's not happy for anyone involved.  Lots of the time the child's act in question makes you want to pull your hair out and, more often than not, the result of discipline makes for a very unhappy child.  Tough luck, that's life, boundaries are needed, get over it, you'll thank me one day when you're a productive citizen, though, right? 

Most of the time when I see a parent out and about with their kid in a discipline situation, I think 'so been there, feelin' your pain.'  I don't judge parents for keeping their kids in line with kiddos in public. (disclaimer: this is assuming the parent isn't acting out of extreme anger and the child's safety is in question)  Parents have to be parents everywhere, not just in their homes.  In fact, I'm more likely to question another parent's lack of discipline when it comes to some behaviors in public.  So if my girls are acting like punks in public, I don't hesitate to parent them with an 'Are you kidding me?'  or 'If you do that one more time, we're going home.'  I've even been known to do the grab-them-by-the-arm-and-give-them-the-deathly-quite-angry-whisper-voice-in-their-ears.  I'm guessing more often than not, too many other parents wouldn't think that was too atypical parenting behavior.  But what if you saw them doing that to a cute little child that has developmental handicaps?  Uh-oh.  Just got a bit more awkward, didn't it?

We really try to parent both Casey and Emily the same.  But no two kids really get the same exact parenting - different kids have different means of connecting with their parents, whether it's affection, playing or discipline.  So while we can't do everything with Emily we do with Casey (and vice versa), we have the same family expectations for both girls.  So that means Emily gets in trouble, too.  And that can be uncomfortable for others to see.  I know this because I see them seeing me.

A couple of weeks ago, the girls and I went to Wal-Mart to buy Tom's birthday gift.  Okay, let's stop here.  Of course this had to happen at Wal-Mart.  And we weren't cheaping out on Tom's b-day gift, we were getting him a new sports watch and my research led me there to the best price, which is really what Tom would want anyways.  Back to the story.  Whether we are strict or mean parents compared to others can be debated by various people in various my-kids-are-being-jerks scenarios, but when it comes to safety, we draw a hard line.  We were hanging out at the counter waiting for someone to assist us with our purchase.  That alone was enough to make the blood start to boil, but then Emily kept trying to run off and look at whatever else, while taking crap off the displays.  I kept asking (asking proceeded to telling and telling proceeded to demanding) her to come back and just stand for a few minutes with me.  Repeat 6 times.  I'd never give Casey 6 opportunities to ignore me like that without getting upset, and I wouldn't for Emily either, assuming she knew what was expected of her.  And sister knew exactly what I was asking her to do.  So I was not look at me and my cute special kid mom, I was are you freaking kidding me I'm about to bust your special can mom.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't too far over the angry cliff to not notice the startled looks of ladies passing by.  Here was my little curly blond daughter with special needs getting chewed out by (another) rabid mom in Wal-Mart.  I'm certain it looked like I was kicking a kitten. 

 

I'm sure we made a good story for someone else.  I'm just hoping someone didn't photograph us and we're on some blog going viral.  Or even worse, ending up on that website dedicated to pictures of people at Wal-Mart. 

But I'm sticking to my guns on this one.  If I want others to treat Emily like just another kid, I'm going to treat her like just another kid.  And that means parenting her; not letting her get a free pass.  Because I do want her to grow up to be a productive citizen and a respectful person.  And to be safe. 

 

It's hard to not worry about what other people are thinking when Emily is acting differently.  She is different and that is a fact, but it's not in my nature to not care what others think.  It is what it is, though.  If Emily is doing something to another kid, she needs to hear she needs to cut it out.  Or if she's doing something she knows she not supposed to, she needs to knock it off.  Special needs or not.  We know she has plenty of ability to learn, understand and communicate, so we have similar expectations for both she and Casey.  Disciplining a child with special needs is complicated.  It takes Emily longer to grasp the concept of right and wrong and there is usually some frustrating behavior to deal with in the process.  So I guess we're probably grading Emily more on a curve.   

We'll keep trialing and erroring and focusing on helping our kids be good kids.  And it's going to take some discipline to get it done right. - for both girls, no matter what others think.  As long as my girls turn out an A+.   Okay I'd consider an A-  a success.  That's all that matters. :)   
  

First Day of Third Grade

Aaaanndd... we're off!  The first day of third grade is in the bag.  As I begin to write this, I am torn between writing about how fast time has flown and if we blink she'll be in high school or about how today, the actual day, went.  Going mushy is very tempting.  I can do a good sappy and  I have a good arsenal of sentimental stuff I've been thinking today.  But mostly I've been hanging out in reality today.  The place where mush and gush is only part of the story.  And tempers and attitude are the rest of the story that brings me right back to reality.  :)  I reserve the right to not live in reality on Tuesday when Emily's starts kindergarten.  I didn't when Casey started kindergarten either. 

Casey -first day of kindergarten.  (thank goodness we have a new front door to pose in front of)

Today Casey woke up at 6:00 ish this morning and immediately brushed her teeth, got dressed, brushed her hair and made herself breakfast.  She was done by 6:45.  Yep, must be the first day of school.  I wonder how long this self motivated routine will last.  I'm betting 4 school days.  Stay tuned.  Our front porch is the location of all first day photos and today was no exception.  They all posed like good little models.

Casey - first day of third grade

 

 

There were no tears from anyone this morning when we left for school, but there was a very, very long hug from little sister.  It's not that we weren't sad to see her off, but by third grade, we're not rookies at first days of school.

Casey admitted that maybe she was a little nervous as we pulled up to school, but was totally keeping her cool.  And then she was on her way with her mixture of excitedness and nervousness and I was proud of my big girl as she went off to get her third grade on.

I returned home to my little girl who instantly became a royal pain in my rear.  Casey's absence upset the apple cart of Emily's day and I found myself saying more than once that her going to school next week might be good for both of us.  (I reserve the right to take that back Tuesday morning!)  The whining today from Emily...  I sympathize for her but,  dear lawd the whining...  I knew I couldn't immortalize Casey's first day of third grade without commenting on Emily's whining today, so like any good mom, I got out my camera to take pictures of it.  (Note: taking pictures of whining child consequently turns her into angry crying child.) 

 

Emily begging for my attention.  I have no idea why her pants were around her ankles...

Alas, Casey returned home and from what we've gathered, she had a good day.  I think parents (maybe just Tom and I) build up how excited our kids will be to come home from their first day and assume they will be ready to tell us all about their day!!  When in reality, they just want a snack, a TV and to be left alone to chill out for a bit.  And because I will never get this in my head, I will forever continue to torture them with questions trying to extract as much about their day as possible.  (Note: continuing questions after the fourth 'fine' turns her into an attitude-filled 8 year old diva.) :)

As much as I look back on this little, precious child:

Casey - age 1.  I'm getting all sappy...

And get more than a bit sappy about how big she is now, I have to admit, the hours from 3:30 to 8:30 today seemed longer than any single day this summer.  That, my friend, was part of the reality of today, the first day of third grade.  Both girls were tired and probably thrown off a bit from all the hoopla and change of routine of the day.  But as far as first days go, it was a successful one.  I'm looking forward to the school year!