Trust God. YeeHaw!

A picture of the girls at bedtime that I sent Tom while he was away

I'm certain this will not be the last time I sit down to my computer and try to force myself to catch up on the days past with some belated blogging.  I think I'm in a bit of a funk and, frankly, just haven't felt like writing in my blog.  Nothing big or dramatic going on here.  Last week I was laying on the floor and Emily came up and sat plopped down on my back and said, 'I cowboy - yeehaw!'  While incredibly cute, the experience has turned incredibly painful.  My back is killing me.  Ugh.  It hurts to sit sometimes, lay down most times and stand up all the time.  So this ailment along with the 100 degree temps, has me a bit lacking motivation to sit at my computer each evening; favoring an ice pack behind me while I sit on the couch.  So I will be quick about my recount of the past week.  I don't have many pictures to show for the week because it's hard to snap pics when one hand is holding my back.

I love when I come home from a meeting and the babysitter is playing tea party!  Her sister came over to join in!

Where did we leave off?  Oh yeah, vacation bible school.  I dropped Emily (and Casey) off Tuesday night.  Was I called back to rescue her when others couldn't understand her words?  Did she wander off from the group and was lost for a time?  Did the other kids shy away from her because she was a little different?  No, no and of course not!  So we repeated this Wednesday and Thursday evenings as well.  What did I do with my glorious 2 hours to myself sans kids?  I very quickly went into Target, Kroger and Kohls respectively each night and then parked in a parking lot nearby the church and read my book.  I stayed close just in case my baby needed me to rescue her.  And I don't think sister even knew I was gone.  I wondered if she got anything more than the social scene among the 4 and 5 year olds at VBS.  Until this evening.-  She was walking through the living room singing, 'You, you, you.  You can trust God' in her own little way and pointing up to the sky when she said 'God' just like all the kids did each night at VBS.  It took me a minute to realize what she was singing - it is one of the songs from VBS!  Lord, have mercy, sister got it goin' on!  The next time I think about holding her back from an experience because I am afraid, I will try to remember her words - 'Trust God.'  Because clearly I don't know squat...... 

Emily "cleaning" the windows

The rest of the week went something like this:  It was 100 degrees.  Tom was gone again for work Mon., Tues., and Wed.  Casey had swim lessons every day at 11:30 and we stayed and swam every day afterwards.  And Casey thought she could get her way with everyone every day this week.  I am by nature a people pleaser; avoiding confrontation in most every situation.  To see Casey get so upset when she doesn't get her way sometimes, and then not be able to handle herself or the situation, leaves me scrambling for new methods to parent this behaivor.  I know it is mostly just in her personality to want to be in charge, but we need to help her find a way to listen to others as well.  Sometimes we cruise along and feel we've got everything under control on the parenting front and then other times, it's just hard.  So we've been talking a lot about listening to others and what being a good friend is this week along side patrolling her urge to be the alpha dog.  For 4 years now, Emily has let Casey run the show here while playing, and I'm sure Casey is struggling to find the situations when she can and cannot get away with bossing kids around.  I want her to be a leader but someone who can compromise as well.  How do I tell her not to be bossy but not extinguish her assertivness as well?  Sigh.  We'll figure it out.  But it's times like these as parents that I hope we don't screw our kids up.

Miss Bossypants herself

Thursday we went to Cincy Children's Hospital here in West Chester for Emily's ultrasound of her kidneys.  Her surgery to correct her grade 5 bi-lateral kidney reflux was in October and her follow up appointment with the surgeon is next week.  Pictures need to be taken of her kidneys and bladder in order for the surgeon to determine how these organs are functioning.  It was a little odd being back at the hospital after 6 months.  We've spent so much time there over the last few years that a 6 month break seemed almost too long without seeing a specialist.  Okay, I don't really mean that - of course it's good news to not be there!  But I've kind of gotten used to doctors checking up on her so much that I start to wonder if we're going to miss something on our own.  But she is a healthy 4 year old who is developing and progressing superbly.  And for that we are thankful for certain.

Mmmm...watermelon

Today all 4 of us went to the pool after golf and lunch.  After a while, Tom took Emily home to nap and I parked myself in a lounge chair poolside and read a book while occassionaly watching Casey jump off the diving board.  My kind of summer day.  Some days I catch myself wishing I could be by myself doing just this thing more often - no kids to have to watch or be in the pool next to, but I always stop myself, knowing that one day I will wish to have them young again.  Wanting me to play with them in the pool.  So I left my seat and swam with Casey and began to throw her around like she asked me to do.  She was squealing with delight and although my back might be giving me some grief about it now, I'm glad I could hang out with just her in the pool playing. 

Casey taking a nap!!!  She woke up denying she took a nap - I'm glad I took a picture for proof :)

The coming week promises to bring more of the scalding temps, so there will be more time at the pool.  Last night some strong storms brought some fierce winds here, but we were spared the brunt of the storm as the worst of it kept north of here.  The strongest winds went through my hometown and the surrounding, neighboring towns.  My parents' as well as both of my sisters' houses sustained some damage, but nothing that can't be fixed.  Everyone is out of power and rumor is that it won't be restored for a week.  I'm glad everyone is safe, but the work for some will be back-breaking in some scalding temperatures.  I guess I'll shut my mouth about my aching back while I sit at my computer.  In my house that is fully in tact.  With the AC purring.  And a lamp glowing on my desk. 

Casey helping the little car out of the driveway so she can give her sister a ride.

Being wrong

Sometimes I just love being wrong. Tom, are you reading this??? I CAN admit when I'm wrong....sometimes

Yesterday Tom took Casey to her first Reds game.  Tom and I both were hedging our bets that she would be bored and they would be packing up after 2 or 3 innings.  Therefore, they sat in the cheap seats in the upper deck.  I say cheap seats only if you don't spend $5 on a bottle of water (x2) and another $5 on cotton candy.  Add in a hamburger and chicken sandwich and the seat you sit in anything but cheap.  But I digress....  I gave Tom instructions to take lots of pictures and have her home by 4:30 so she could cool off and eat before vacation bible school that evening.  This shouldn't have been a problem if all went as I predicted.  But it was sometime in the 7th inning he had to drag her away from the ballpark begging to stay!  Turns out I was wrong - she loved the major league game despite the 90 degree heat and was super bummed the Reds lost.  That's my girl!  I'm sorry I underestimated her and love seeing her open and interested in things I thought might bore her or not be girly enough.  Tom is not as diligent as I am about taking pictures (that's why I had to ask him specifically to do it), but I was happy with the memories he was able to capture in order for me to share in on the fun they had:

As I mentioned, vacation bible school started last night.  My friend, Shannon, is running the show and we wanted to attend to support her efforts.  Casey has attended VBS for several years now and has loved the one week experience each summer!  When Shannon mentioned that there was going to be a pre-school group this year, I honestly didn't really consider signing Emily up. 

...Here is where I will interject with some conflicting emotions I have about raising my 2 unique daughters.  At the age of 4 I was nervous about sending Casey off to VBS for 2 hours to be with strangers, but did not consider not sending her, knowing she would have a fun time singing and dancing and playing while learning about God's message.  At the age of 4 I didn't even consider it an option for Emily.  For all I preach about wanting her integrated and to experience typical kid stuff, I find that maybe I can talk the talk but not be able to walk the walk.  Sometimes.  I am grateful for my friends and family who look at what Emily can do and not what she can't.  I need others to push me so I can continue to push her.  To believe in her.  And to believe that others will rally around her and help her have the most positive experience in what ever she is doing.  It's not that I don't believe in Emily and what she can be capable of - it's hard to explain.  I feel the overwhelming need to protect her.  More so than Casey.  (That's some serious mommy guilt there, trust me!)  I want to protect her from others staring or wondering what she is doing.  And protect her from falling or getting hurt.  Or protect her from the frustration she might feel when she doesn't understand what everyone is talking about.  But I am lucky to have Tom, and family and friends who are there to help me realize that sometimes protecting means holding her back....

So we're back to talking about VBS.  We decided to sign Emily up after all.  On the condition that I would stay there and help her.  We showed up and the program began in the gathering area.  I stood next to Emily near the pre-school group.  She was miserable - wanting me to pick her up, screaming out when the leader asked for quiet, attempting to run off.  After 20 minutes of me trying to convince her to cooperate, I was giving serious thought to packing it up and going home.  Saying, yeah, we tried but she just isn't ready.  The congregation dismissed to their smaller groups and I took a deep breath and decided to stick it out.  Just that one night.  A bit frazzled, I left Emily to hang out with the rest of the pre-schoolers as I sat on the periphery; observing, but not interfering with Emily.  And she was fine.  The remaining hour and a half, she sat when the other kids sat, she stood when the other kids stood, she colored when the other kids colored and she folded her hands and bowed her head, too, when the others prayed.  Emily held her own, following along.  (for the most part - she is only 4 after all.)  Sure, there were times when the assistants had to remind her to stay with the group or not to scream out when a story was being told, but, well, that's just Emily.  It didn't appear that it was something the leaders couldn't handle.  And when they did tell her to do something, she did it.  She didn't need me there last night and tonight either. Although I stayed again just in case the leaders needed help with her, I ended up fetching water and taking the other pre-schoolers to the potty.

 So, I realize I may have underestimated Emily and the others around her again.  I did see her tonight, amidst all the other kids who were shouting Jesus' name, looking around at them all.  And after they all finished shouting, she stood and screamed "Jesus!" just like the others had done.  I was proud of my little girl.  I didn't see the curious glances.  I saw a little girl who is learning the word 'Jesus' and will one day learn who Jesus is.   While I am still pretty certain she doesn't understand that everyone is there to give praise and sing about trusting God, or even understand who God is yet, I believe being there learning among other kids might be the best introduction. 

I was wrong - to assume that she wasn't ready to be around so many typical peers.  And that they wouldn't be ready to lead Emily.  Maybe it was me who wasn't ready to push her into a new situation - out of my comfort zone.  Maybe I was wrong to think holding her back was the best thing for her.  God, I love to be wrong...

I am considering not staying at VBS tomorrow night; not standing nearby observing and waiting for her to need me to intervene on her behalf.  I was discussing it with Shannon briefly tonight and she said something to the effect of  "that's what you ultimately want for her, right?"  It's true.  But it won't be easy for me to do.  I hope it goes okay.  I think it will.  I hope I'm not wrong...