Disciplining Emily

Being a parent is tough.  (I think my mom just got a smug look on her face.)  Most of the time, I feel like I am averaging a C+ grade.  There are times I feel like I should get a gold star.  Like the surprise sandwich I made for Casey's lunch today.

A+ Mom for the cool sandwich (she loved it)

And other times, I am certain I am flunking.  Like last week when I saw Casey take the hose, which was on the jet setting, and spray herself in the eyeball.  I mean, by 8-1/2 I surely should have taught her that wasn't a good idea...

Loving my girls is the easy part of parenting.  Teaching them right vs. wrong isn't too hard, most of the time.  (You know, it is hard to teach that gray area between being 100% honest and saying something nice that isn't necessarily in your heart.)  But disciplining is certainly a harder part because it's usually trial and error and it's not happy for anyone involved.  Lots of the time the child's act in question makes you want to pull your hair out and, more often than not, the result of discipline makes for a very unhappy child.  Tough luck, that's life, boundaries are needed, get over it, you'll thank me one day when you're a productive citizen, though, right? 

Most of the time when I see a parent out and about with their kid in a discipline situation, I think 'so been there, feelin' your pain.'  I don't judge parents for keeping their kids in line with kiddos in public. (disclaimer: this is assuming the parent isn't acting out of extreme anger and the child's safety is in question)  Parents have to be parents everywhere, not just in their homes.  In fact, I'm more likely to question another parent's lack of discipline when it comes to some behaviors in public.  So if my girls are acting like punks in public, I don't hesitate to parent them with an 'Are you kidding me?'  or 'If you do that one more time, we're going home.'  I've even been known to do the grab-them-by-the-arm-and-give-them-the-deathly-quite-angry-whisper-voice-in-their-ears.  I'm guessing more often than not, too many other parents wouldn't think that was too atypical parenting behavior.  But what if you saw them doing that to a cute little child that has developmental handicaps?  Uh-oh.  Just got a bit more awkward, didn't it?

We really try to parent both Casey and Emily the same.  But no two kids really get the same exact parenting - different kids have different means of connecting with their parents, whether it's affection, playing or discipline.  So while we can't do everything with Emily we do with Casey (and vice versa), we have the same family expectations for both girls.  So that means Emily gets in trouble, too.  And that can be uncomfortable for others to see.  I know this because I see them seeing me.

A couple of weeks ago, the girls and I went to Wal-Mart to buy Tom's birthday gift.  Okay, let's stop here.  Of course this had to happen at Wal-Mart.  And we weren't cheaping out on Tom's b-day gift, we were getting him a new sports watch and my research led me there to the best price, which is really what Tom would want anyways.  Back to the story.  Whether we are strict or mean parents compared to others can be debated by various people in various my-kids-are-being-jerks scenarios, but when it comes to safety, we draw a hard line.  We were hanging out at the counter waiting for someone to assist us with our purchase.  That alone was enough to make the blood start to boil, but then Emily kept trying to run off and look at whatever else, while taking crap off the displays.  I kept asking (asking proceeded to telling and telling proceeded to demanding) her to come back and just stand for a few minutes with me.  Repeat 6 times.  I'd never give Casey 6 opportunities to ignore me like that without getting upset, and I wouldn't for Emily either, assuming she knew what was expected of her.  And sister knew exactly what I was asking her to do.  So I was not look at me and my cute special kid mom, I was are you freaking kidding me I'm about to bust your special can mom.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't too far over the angry cliff to not notice the startled looks of ladies passing by.  Here was my little curly blond daughter with special needs getting chewed out by (another) rabid mom in Wal-Mart.  I'm certain it looked like I was kicking a kitten. 

 

I'm sure we made a good story for someone else.  I'm just hoping someone didn't photograph us and we're on some blog going viral.  Or even worse, ending up on that website dedicated to pictures of people at Wal-Mart. 

But I'm sticking to my guns on this one.  If I want others to treat Emily like just another kid, I'm going to treat her like just another kid.  And that means parenting her; not letting her get a free pass.  Because I do want her to grow up to be a productive citizen and a respectful person.  And to be safe. 

 

It's hard to not worry about what other people are thinking when Emily is acting differently.  She is different and that is a fact, but it's not in my nature to not care what others think.  It is what it is, though.  If Emily is doing something to another kid, she needs to hear she needs to cut it out.  Or if she's doing something she knows she not supposed to, she needs to knock it off.  Special needs or not.  We know she has plenty of ability to learn, understand and communicate, so we have similar expectations for both she and Casey.  Disciplining a child with special needs is complicated.  It takes Emily longer to grasp the concept of right and wrong and there is usually some frustrating behavior to deal with in the process.  So I guess we're probably grading Emily more on a curve.   

We'll keep trialing and erroring and focusing on helping our kids be good kids.  And it's going to take some discipline to get it done right. - for both girls, no matter what others think.  As long as my girls turn out an A+.   Okay I'd consider an A-  a success.  That's all that matters. :)