Drive By and Thru

I remember exactly where I was when it hit me that Emily would probably never drive a car.  It's probably been almost 2 years ago and I was sitting on the couch by myself when I saw one of the dozens of cars that drive by our house each day drive by.  I liken the feeling that day to suddenly being thrown a 20 pound bag of potatoes.  It kind of knocks your breath out and you (figuratively) stumble back a bit in order to gain control of what you've just caught. 

As Emily grows older, the differences between my two girls show up at various times and is met with varying degrees of emotional impact for me.  The fact that Emily will not be capable of learning nearly as much as Casey has always been a constant.  It's now a fact that runs like a weak current through me; one that I don't pay too much attention to most of the time.  Then sometimes something else just dawns on me, and emotion washes over me like a shower of sadness.  Like the time I 'realized' that Emily will not be invited to parties and play dates like her sister.  My reaction to that, kind of spread from my heart to my fingertips with a kind of gentle sadness.  I then realized that that was now something I hold of value and not Emily; she is so genuinely happy with her little life and I was able to make peace with that one.  And then other times I never know when something is going to hit me so hard I can't stand it.  Like randomly seeing a car and knowing just then that that particular privilege and independence is something my daughter will likely never know. 

So there I sat on my couch, caught glance of a car and suddenly couldn't breathe.  This realization was swift; I never saw it coming.  I was thrown a 20 pound sack of potatoes and had the wind knocked out of me.  To say I didn't know this would be false.  In fact, I remember having a brief conversation with my friend Jenn years ago about why people with cognitive disabilities typically do not get issued drivers licenses even if their cognitive disabilities are less severe.  So this is information I knew in my head but I guess my heart hadn't processed it yet.  I called up Mandy from the couch that particular day with tissues in hand and 'processed' it to her patient ear.  She listened, she offered compassion, and then I was done with that realization.

These realizations vary in the what, when and how, but, thankfully, they all have ended in acceptance for me. They get filed into the part of me that accumulates what I know about Emily and that is that....  But it's not like we're ever just gonna' throw in the towel here, pat her on the head and be like we're all happy with you just like you are.... hell no.  She's five now.  She's walkin', she's talkin' and it's time to start little tyke's driver's ed around here :)

Casey is a great driving instructor :) 

That's right. Last week started Emily's official crash (*snort*) course in driving.  The Cadillac has been out of commission for a few months because basically I have been too cheap to buy a new battery for it.  We got the Cadillac almost 4 years ago as something the two girls could do together outside, honestly, at the time, not knowing how much Emily would be able to do as far as play with Casey. (How we underestimated her!).  Teaching Emily to drive will be a challenge for all of us, but I'm determined that she get the opportunity, so fingers crossed!  I'm sure a good story or two will come of this before it's all said and done.  If the first lesson is any indicator, little sister has some serious problems keeping her eyes on the road.  She'd much rather just push the gas pedal and drive by waving at neighbors like a homecoming queen on a float.  And, really, she could pull off the drive by smile-and-wave thing, but I'm excited for Emily to have a thing that's typical kid stuff and all hers :)   

Emily hangin' with the neighborhood crew.  Watch out kids! - we haven't practiced with the cones yet!

And then there is dear Casey.  Dear, dear Casey.  Who still aspires to work in food service.  Dear Lord.

 

Upon a recent trip through the McDonald's drive thru, she announced that she would one day like to work the drive through window.  "I mean how cool would that be to wear the headset and take people's orders, mom?!"  I'm not joking here.  We've got to be doing something wrong in the parenting department.  Maybe the feed-our-kids-homemade-dinners thing is backfiring on us.  Maybe by avoiding fast food joints, we are doing the kids a disservice?  Maybe if they saw the annoyed faces of the people who not-so-patiently wait for me to check to make sure our order is correct while still sitting in the drive thru, they would see that it's not such a fun job to gun for.      

So now we've gone from waitress to drive thru worker.  There's still time, right?!  Our hopes and dreams of her going to college aren't dead at the age of 8 are they?  Even though other kids her age speak of wanting to be teachers, nurses, and doctors?  And, really, what happened to wanting to be a rock star/princess/fashion designer??  Last year it sounded a bit silly, but I'm thinking now if she wants to spend her life working at Disney World, who am I to stop her.

Of course, I'm being silly here - I'm her mom and I'll support her in whatever she aspires to be.  Her dad on the other hand.... (*snort*) (that's the second snort in this post) ... yes, we'll leave that heart-to-heart discussion on her future aspirations to daddy.